This is a hard blog post to write. It’s so personal and raw, even still in our family. But it is a reality for so many praying, God-serving parents that it simply cannot be ignored. Let’s start with the stark reality – no matter how much you lay the foundation of the importance of a relationship with God for your kids, they still have a personal choice and free will. And they may choose to not follow God for a short time or not at all. They may not specifically say that. But much like the Prodigal Son in the Bible, they may choose to live amongst the pigs and the slop for a time. As a parent, teacher, youth worker, how do we handle these situations with our kids with love and understanding?
It’s a fact that many kids walk away from the protection of their parents and the faith they were raised in, especially in mid to late adolescence. I know often people don’t want to talk about it because parents feel like it is their own personal failure that their child may choose this path. Personally, I can speak from experience that it is the most difficult thing to walk through as a parent, hands down. While parents may be trying to “do everything right,” it’s important to remember that the battle is not with flesh and blood (Ephesians 6:12), but against spiritual forces. Make no mistake we are in an all-out battle for our kids’ hearts against the enemy of their souls.
It is no secret that the culture we live in often does not align with the Biblical standards and principles that we lay as a foundation for our kids. From the prevalence of cheating in school to the blatant relativism that plagues our modern culture and everything in between, many of our teens are confused because what they are hearing from Godly adults in their lives is in stark contrast to what they are seeing around them on social media, Netflix, etc. What do we do when we come face to face with these concerns in the kids we work with? The story of the Prodigal Son in Luke 15 gives us great insight.
Luke 15:11-24
11 To illustrate the point further, Jesus told them this story: “A man had two sons. 12 The younger son told his father, ‘I want my share of your estate now before you die.’ So his father agreed to divide his wealth between his sons.
13 “A few days later this younger son packed all his belongings and moved to a distant land, and there he wasted all his money in wild living. 14 About the time his money ran out, a great famine swept over the land, and he began to starve. 15 He persuaded a local farmer to hire him, and the man sent him into his fields to feed the pigs. 16 The young man became so hungry that even the pods he was feeding the pigs looked good to him. But no one gave him anything.
17 “When he finally came to his senses, he said to himself, ‘At home even the hired servants have food enough to spare, and here I am dying of hunger! 18 I will go home to my father and say, “Father, I have sinned against both heaven and you, 19 and I am no longer worthy of being called your son. Please take me on as a hired servant.”’
20 “So he returned home to his father. And while he was still a long way off, his father saw him coming. Filled with love and compassion, he ran to his son, embraced him, and kissed him. 21 His son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against both heaven and you, and I am no longer worthy of being called your son.“
22 “But his father said to the servants, ‘Quick! Bring the finest robe in the house and put it on him. Get a ring for his finger and sandals for his feet. 23 And kill the calf we have been fattening. We must celebrate with a feast, 24 for this son of mine was dead and has now returned to life. He was lost, but now he is found.’ So the party began.
We can learn several relevant principles from this parable that Jesus shares in Luke 15.
- The father loved and provided for both of his sons’ needs. In this story, it seems the father did what was right. He loved and provided for both of his sons. Many of us attempt to do the same thing.
- Both sons had the free will to choose right from wrong. No matter what the father did, both sons made their own choices.
- One son chose the right way and one the wrong. One son left the comforts and protection of home to pursue what the world offered. He squandered everything – his wealth, his inheritance and position, and even his health. This may look a little different for our kids. They may squander their reputation, health, or future plans. Instead of looking for help in the pig sty, they may look for help in other places, such as sex, alcohol, drugs, etc.
- The wayward son was NOT fulfilled by these things. The son realized that while all of the sinful things he was chasing seemed desirable for a time, they were not worth the accompanying devastation he was experiencing. In the parable, Jesus says that the son came to his senses (vs. 17). This is what we pray for! We pray for the moment when our wayward children come to their senses and realize that there is a better way than the pig sty!
- The wayward son returns home. On his way home, the son knew that he could trust that his dad would at least feed him and take care of his basic needs because of the loving relationship that had been established previously. The response of the father is the best lesson of all. He doesn’t respond in frustration or anger or with an “I told you so” attitude.
The relationship with his son and his son’s return was more important to the father than anything else. In the parable, the father saw his son from afar, and he rejoiced and began to plan a celebration. We know the son still had consequences, and the father couldn’t change those. Because of his choices, the son would have to live off of his father and brother for the rest of his life. There may be consequences that you cannot save your kids from either. But there is still a great cause for celebration when a son (or daughter) comes to repentance.
If we know a child in this situation or even approaching it, where do we start? We can combat this with a focus on relationships. First, consistently modeling our own authentic relationship with God is the best starting place. Not a preachy, judgment-filled approach, but a real relationship with God is what kids need to see. Next, as adults, we should continue striving to build a loving, consistent relationship with the kids in our lives. Our job as parents, teachers, or youth workers is to PRAY for our kids unceasingly and to LOVE them unconditionally. It’s God’s job to do the rest! Lastly, if you or another adult is struggling with a similar situation with someone in their lives, PRAY for them and SUPPORT them. If we responded this way rather than out of judgement, shame, or fear, we could make a real difference in the lives of the young people we work with. It’s time to get real and get to praying diligently for these precious young people that God has entrusted to us for such a short time!
Thank you so much! We’re trying, praying, loving, falling, watching and waiting. The church needs this message. Parents who watch their kids wander need to know they’re not alone. We need ministry, support and prayer, not judgment. We’re generally already judging ourselves. I’m working on forgiving myself, and it’s not easy. I hope I can be there for others who find themselves in this position, too. I am comforted that the same God who loved me and revealed himself to me, loves my son and is fighting for him.